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Wild Queen Camino

This is my first post from France, and my head does a little 180 degree when I realize I have been here for 8 months already. My last email only briefly mentioned my move, so I wanted to bring a little more context to my pilgrimage here.

I guess you could say the seeds for this move were planted about 7 or 8 years ago, when  I started having visions and very specific dreams about things that I previously had no knowledge about or interest in, for that matter.  For instance, I woke up one morning with this very strong voice in my head saying “Go to the Grotto of Mary Magdalene!”  “Huh?”, I thought.  I consider myself spiritual but not religious, and so had no real interest in Mary Magdalene. The visions continued, with me seeing Jesus in my womb, The Black Madonna, and many other things that were way out of left field for someone like me with no prior interest in these things. However over the years of these visions I did lots of research on them, and something started to click in.  For many years, I have been very connected to the idea of integration of feminine and masculine energies inside of me.  It is sometimes called Finding the Beloved Within, or the Twin Flame Within, Sacred Union, Sacred Marriage Within, or Heiros Gamos. I strongly believe this is the key to changing the world.  When each of us resolves this inner conflict where one dominates the other (masculine and feminine), there will be peace on earth. Jesus and Mary Magdalene, it turned out had a Sacred Union.

 

So fast forward and another morning I wake up and I hear the word “Mirepoix!” very strongly as I wake up.  So you’re probably getting the picture – there was another “huh?” as I went straight to Google.  Well, it turns out Mirepoix is the base of a sauce (onions, celery and carrots sauteed), and it also a town in southern France.  Okay, again confused, but I also knew there was some serious guidance happening as these were very specific terms.  Over the next few weeks, I saw more references than I can tell you about Mirepoix, lest my doubting mind would let me squirm away.

Then, eighteen months ago came the big breakup last year of my long term relationship, and I found myself wondering what was next.  I had no family in the US, although a wonderful community of friends, and was feeling very far away from my family in South Africa and Europe.  It’s hard to say even how the idea came, but I did decide that perhaps it was time to leave the San Francisco Bay Area, my home for the last 27 years.  But where to?  I remembered those visions and dreams, and thought about France.  I had coincidentally been learning French for the last 18 months, and I can work anywhere in the world.  I had downsized to the point that I really had very little. I was clearly getting a lot of signals about France, and at 53, I thought why not go on a spiritual pilgrimage and see where it takes me? If not now, when?

Of course, there were many overwhelming unknowns and so much grief in wrapping up half a lifetime in the Bay Area.  Gut-wrenching does not even come close to describing it. The thought of moving on my own to a country where my language skills were very iffy was starting to look downright insane! But at the same time, the thought of going and buying furniture and setting up again in the Bay Area just didn’t seem an option.

So I packed up Vuvu kitty, a box and a suitcase and flew here. My dear friend Colette, who I went to high school with and I had only seen once in 30 years was so kind to meet me at the airport in Paris with some croissants, a bottle of wine, some coffee and a big loving hug. We had a picnic on Vuvu’s crate in Charles de Gaulle airport, with me crying most of that time. All the emotions of the last year’s events just came tumbling out. It was such a poignant moment, so much possibility and so much fear at the same time, and a dear friend from so long ago there to hold me while I collapsed. After lots of tears and laughs, she put me on the first of 2 trains I would have to catch to Montpellier, Vuvu in tow. There were mad rushes at each changeover and almost missing trains, having the wrong tickets printed, but somehow I got to my new place late that evening.

I started in the country near Montpellier as that seemed pretty central, in an Airbnb-type rental that I could only rent until the summer guests arrived 3 months later. After looking in vain for my next place to land, many, many dead ends later, it turned out that the only place that had any availability had 1 month open before the summer visitors arrived.  And it was in, you guessed it, Mirepoix!

I’ll never forget driving here, my little car packed to the brim, Vuvu on the front seat balanced on top of my bed linen, feeling just so happy.  As I got closer I just felt my heart open at the landscape.  I really fell in love with the soft rolling green hills full of wildflowers, the snow-capped Pyrenees in the background.  When I got to the house, I immediately feel in love with it – something just felt incredibly like home there.

Furthermore…when I got here, the landlord mentioned that his house was going to be rented for the first time over the summer as well, and that if I wanted to I could rent that as a long term rental.

And so here I am, living in the country just outside Mirepoix, just amazed at how at home I feel.  Somehow I have found a community here quite quickly, which was not the case where I was living before.  It feels like I was meant to land here.

I have been visiting many sacred sites since being here, especially many Black Madonna sites (ISIS is thought to be a Black Madonna and Mary Magdalene was also very connected to the Black Madonna).  There are over 500 of these statues in Europe, and and they are basically statues (usually carved from wood) of Mother Mary and Jesus, where Mother Mary and Jesus are black. I am finding them very fascinating statues, as they each have a very interesting background, with many strange unexplainable circumstances around them. They are also associated with many, many miracles and healings.

I will be writing more about them in the future, and will probably move this blog to a new format which is focused around this energy, especially for women in midlife and beyond.  The Black Madonna represents the Great Mother, the mother of us all.  She represents darkness, the shadow, the unconscious, the body and being in the body…all things I have been really focused on in the last 5 or 6 years.

And all this has lead me to become a Womb Priestess. The womb mysteries are very connected to the Black Madonna, ISIS and Mary Magdalene. Of course, it also represents shadow, darkness, the unconscious. In fact, I have come to understand this is the Holy Grail. When we awaken our wombs, we find the Holy Grail for ourselves and become the Holy Grail for the world. And for those of us in midlife, awakening the womb is doubly important. Once our wombs are no longer used for birthing children, that energetic space (whether you have a physical womb or not) is used to rebirth yourself and then collectively we rebirth the new earth. Ancient cultures knew the importance of this. For myself I can truly say coming home to the womb has been the most profound thing I’ve done. It really does feel like coming home.

Again, I will write more later – this mystery continues to evolve and I am loving it. This is like my own personal Camino de Santiago Compestela – without all the walking :-). I do feel like it is initiating me into my Wild Queendom, as I’m becoming much more adept at the surrender thing, surfing the waves of unknown and truly stepping into a life of peace and freedom and love that I have never experienced before.

And so, as I follow the breadcrumbs on my pilgrimage, I am interested in hearing about any pilgrimages, large or small, that you have done or imagined.

What matters…

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The spareness and simplicity of these 2 lines speaks so beautifully to what so much of this midlife journey is to me.  As someone with an overly busy head that keeps me locked in a prison of overwhelm a lot of the time, a huge ongoing lesson of the past few years has been LESS IS MORE.

The Trappist monk, Thomas Morton once said that “To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to the violence of our times.”

And so we have to ask ourselves, what is filling up our lives, and is it really necessary?

The last year has been really, really intense for me. This intensity has definitely focused me on what is important and brought about some decisions about living a life with more relishing, less rushing. A simpler life, full of small, special moments, good food, and adventure with lots of nature thrown in.

As they say, things come in 3’s – and the 3 things that showed up in my life have all been pointing me to letting go, letting go, letting go of what is not leading me to that nourishing and delicious life.

The first spiral of letting go has been that I have been dealing with some low grade health problems (low thyroid, candida, leaky gut and heavy metals – you know the typical mid-life stuff), which has meant I simply have not had the energy to do all those non-essential things. I have had to focus on my health, along with a low carb diet for a few months, which brought on other issues.

Then at the end of last year my parents were in a terrible car accident, which they were lucky to escape with their lives. They are okay but are still dealing with ongoing complications.  They were both pretty much bed bound for 2 1/2 months. That was the second spiral of letting go – one of those pivotal moments where I realized what is important.  And what is not. And how much of my life I have filled with things that are not important. I went to stay with them in South Africa for a month and took care of them while they healed. It was of course a hard month in many ways, but it was also one of the most precious times of my life.  Firstly, it was simple. We had nowhere to go, nothing to do but to be together while they recuperated.  I shopped, cooked for them, and just hung out. And secondly, I got to so enjoy the sense of amazing community they have. They live in a smallish town where they have lived for almost 60 years. The phone was constantly ringing, and a steady stream of friends that came to visit over and over again. There were so many incredibly touching moments…from their doctor who would come and see them almost every day and never charges them, to their mechanically minded geek friend, Brian, who before they even came home from their month long hospital stay, researched, ordered and had installed a stair lift at their house so they would not have to be confined to bed for their whole recovery and could come downstairs for meals with their visitors.

And whether or not I needed a 3rd thing, I got it. Just after my return from South Africa,  I separated with my partner of 8 years. We split up a few months after that.  It’s been the final step of a difficult letting go, but one where I had to finally admit that I was working way too hard on the relationship. There was some progress happening, but ultimately some surprising things happened that showed that perhaps the progress was not as real as it seemed and that we were simply on different pages.  So with a heavy heart, I moved out of my home of the last 7 years, leaving my partner and 2 sweet dogs.

After a few months of vagabonding it with Airbnb, I ended up finding a gorgeous furnished studio apartment in an adorable small town of Petaluma, in Sonoma County. There are cows and goats here, and of course, good food, so that all makes me happy.  My kitty, Vuvu is here with me, and has been a very sweet cuddle companion :-).  I am living a very simple life with very little stuff. For the past 6 months, I have been doing a major cleanup of stuff I no longer need. Old books, clothes stuff that no longer reflects me.  I have downsized to 1 teeny closet and  few shelves. Yikes! Who would have thunk!?

For me, the simple life has been calling for awhile.  Apart from the physical downsizing it has also meant removing the should’s that still inhabit my house. How many events do I go to because I worry what others will think? How many things do I hold onto that take up psychic time and space do I hold onto in order to keep the emptiness at bay?  How many things do I start and not finish, taking up valuable space and time in the head, yet feeling afraid to let go of them ?

And in the cauldron of these grinding-down events, I have finally been making art every day, writing, feeling like more of myself every day. And in that space, something new has been calling me…

And so….my next evolution is…

A pilgrimage of sorts at the end of this year – to Southern France, a land where a lot is understood about living a life of simple pleasures. A place where 3 hour meals with friends and family are what you do on a Sunday. The stores all remain closed in respect of that sacred celebration.

I will be spending at least a year there, and if I like it, I may just stay. This is the area where there are many sacred sites of the Divine Feminine and I hope to explore the Magdalene mysteries, a few titillating whispers of which have been whispered in my ear during dreams and some altered states.  My intention is also to really step into my artist self and surround myself with the fabulous art and culture of those soft and sunny hills.

And the final beautiful thing is that I will also be much closer to my family, which feels like a delicious thing in itself.  My family have been spread out on 3 continents for over 20 years.  My brother lives in Switzerland, and my niece in Slovenia, so I will be super-close to them, and it will only be an overnight flight to see my parents and sister and her family in South Africa (vs. a 36 hour door to door trip which it is for me now, along with a 9 hour time difference).

I do know that so many of us are going through difficult times right now…it is such an intense time.  And I am curious, whether or not you are one of those souls, what are you being called to let go of as you go though your midlife years?

 

Inner Masculine to the rescue



I have spoken about this before in my posts on the Birth of the Solar Feminine here and here, but in a layers of the onion way the topic is coming back around in my life, so I want to talk about it again with a different slant this time.



I have been witnessing with many of my clients, and have had some problems with this myself this difficulty bringing ones work out into the world in midlife.  Peri/menopause often gives us this huge drive to share our wisdom with the world, which is great. All good so far.  And peri/menopause also can hurl us into this deep and dark transformation where we dance with the chaos and wild energies of the feminine. So into the cacoon we go and sort through our deepest woundings.  It is like a drink of sparkling water to touch the feminine again, and we long to get to know her more, as we have lived in the parched desert of a society that doesn’t see her.  We have been cut off from her so, and so it feels like we’re home at last when we meet her again.



And then it comes time to come back into the world and share our gifts and wisdom with the world.  This may be in a large sense (reaching hundreds and thousands of women across the world), or it may be simply living and breathing as a Wild Woman, and sharing your gifts by example with those around you, which is certainly no less than the former…just different.  And that is where I see many women stuck.  This is the Season of Spring, as I call it – we’ve been through the Winter…the deep, lonely healing period, and now it is time to return.



I believe we are called at this point to heal our Inner Masculine, and have it fuse deliciously with our Inner Feminine.  When this happens, we’re able to know when to do and when to simply be.  We know how to use our creative ideas and apply focus to manifest them, instead of chasing dozens of ideas that scatter our energy.



When we are still operating from our Wounded Masculine, we tend to have a very strong Inner Critic that holds us back, or a terrorizing Inner Tyrant that oppresses us, not allowing us to really live, or a paralyzing Inner Perfectionist or Procrastinator that keeps us stuck.  These may be somewhat unconscious, but may be getting in the way of what you want.  Most of us have not had good role models of what Masculine or Feminine qualities should look like, so we have internalized very polarized versions of the masculine and feminine inside ourselves.  Unconsciously or consciously,  there is a war going on inside between these 2 sides until we heal enough to integrate the two aspects – to have them respect eachother and work together.



So what are the qualities of the Divine Masculine?  I have spoken before about one of the most important qualities is to create a safe and sacred space for the feminine.  Most, if not all, the women I have worked with on clearing Inner Beliefs that hold you back, suffer from a feeling of not feeling safe.  I’m going to speak about that later, as to my mind this is the first key to look at…until we feel safe we will tend to ‘hide’ or stay stuck.  But others qualities are discernment, structure, focus, clarity, groundedness, commitment, responsibility, will and determination.  Now, many of you might be shrieking…I hate structure – I need to be free!   But the truth is, any extreme (unbalanced) need for freedom comes from a fear, which is rooted in a belief system that can be cleared.



This one is really close to my heart.  I count myself one of those gypsy types, who always felt that I needed freedom. And although I still enjoy freedom, the ‘I HAVE TO be free’ part was a tad out of control, and showed me how much I was being oppressed inside.  What I came to see when clearing my own beliefs is that why I needed freedom is that I was running. I was running from commitment…commitment to myself.  I was really scared of what I would find there, and really the fear at the bottom of that was that I was nothing, not enough etc.  And more than that I was afraid to see how all the time I thought the oppression was outside of me, actually it was inside me too.  I have had to stare into the dark corners of my heart and look at all the ways I have victimized myself, hated myself, been violent (metaphorically) to myself. And I have had to forgive myself for that. And find compassion for the wounded parts of myself that felt they needed to push, control, hurt and terrorize myself.



So back to the safety issue.  Yes, life feels unsafe for many of us when we really start expanding out into the world, and it can feel easier to hide.  But that choice will start biting as we get older, because your world then has to get smaller and smaller, and you become less and less alive.  So I’m going to suggest that this is an essential healing that women in midlife have to deal with. Because we will help  usher in a new world if we heal this in each one of us.  And at peri/menopause we are PRIMED to heal this – we have a portal and much help to create our own safety.  This is a time of life when our inner masculine starts rising.  So here is my recipe.  There are 2 parts – there is safety from external forces (other people), and as discussed above, the second piece is that we have to clean up and look at the ways we have created lack of safety for certain parts of ourselves, within ourselves.



Lets’ deal with the inside first, because once you stop oppressing yourself from the inside,  the outside oppressors/critics/tyrants etc show up much less. In my experience, because many of these inner parts that are not so nice are hidden in the dark, we often avoid them and don’t even know they are there. Instead we project our distaste of those kind of behaviors onto others. So the first step is to start with looking at the mirror…what shows up in your life repeatedly is often a breadcrumb to the unconscious way you treat or feel about yourself, which is in turn based on your unconscious beliefs about yourself and life. This process can bring a lot of insight, as it allows you to bring beliefs into your conscious mind and to own them as being part of creating your experience of life. I practice ThetaHealing, which has a very elegant way of looking back into your past and seeing where these beliefs came from and what keeps you bound to repeat the external lessons.  Once you start clearing a critical mass of the core limiting beliefs that are running your life, it creates some space within you as the energy patterns are released. This space allow for more of the real you to show up, and you are able to separate from all the parts within you, and act more as a witness to them instead of collapsing into them and becoming the wounded parts.  Suddenly you see choices and insights you never thought were there. You no longer contract and collapse when difficult things happen. You can meet those terrorizing inner parts and listen,  see, hear, acknowledge and empathize with them, instead of being controlled by them.



The second step is to look at how you feel unsafe with others. That may be as simple as learning to say no, or to tell others how you would like to be treated (and mean it).  Another, more subtle issue is that as a general rule,  women are wired to take on others emotions, thoughts and beliefs as the nurturers of our society.  I mean, it’s helpful when we are raising families, right, to be tuned into what everyone wants? But it’s hard to feel safe if you’re taking on other people’s opinions as your own. Peri/menopause is the time in life where we get to look at where our boundaries are ‘leaky’, and again we can use belief work to separate others beliefs, opinions etc about us from our own beliefs, thoughts, opinions, feelings. If you are a highly sensitive person or an empath, you will have more work to do in this area, as you are more primed than most to pick up what is around you.  But as we clean up our energetic boundaries, we start feeling more connected to ourselves, without the interference of others’ energy.  Or even if we still feel others energy, we can discern that it is not our own and are able to continue to function without it crushing us. So in this case, we can keep ourselves from being as affected by what others think. This allows us to feel much safer.  A belief I have seen in many of my clients is that ‘What others perceive about me is the Truth’. That would be tough to go out into the public with your work holding that belief. wouldn’t you say?


What other beliefs do you think cause you to feel unsafe?

To schedule a complimentary 20 minute Discovery Session to talk about what beliefs may be holding you back, click the link below.

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Ghosts, whispers and volcanos

WomanBoundariesOne of the most fun parts of passing through menopause is that we get the opportunity to learn to speak our truth and be more authentic (visible). Many of us will also come out the other side with a unstoppable desire to share our wisdom and gifts with others, which significantly ups the ante in becoming more visible and speaking out (if you  hate selling, calling potential clients back or getting your websites done, visibility fears are often the cause).

 

What I’ve seen in my work with women, is that these opportunities are quite challenging to take, as there is quite a lot of healing we have to do to take off the masks and unshackle the chains.  The truth is, many women still do not feel safe being visible or speaking our truth.  This may not even be conscious, but at some level because we’re women and share the collective unconscious of all women, we have fears about our safety in standing out.  It can sometimes seem a lot easier and safer to be quiet and be invisible. Our culture supports women for being pleasing, pleasant, agreeable, smiling, caring, supportive, unselfish etc etc.  We are expected to makes others feel comfortable, and that requires us to be focused on others’ needs above our own…aka, invisible.  All these expectations can at times render us inauthentic and , well, kind like ghosts. Add to that the fact that women in midlife are generally seen as even more invisible…oy!

 

Luckily, when midlife/menopause comes knocking at the door, the sands start shifting.  It is now time to find out who WE are, to take up space authentically, putting our own needs on an equal footing with others. Often the lovely tap-on-the-shoulder (or for some of us, the 2-by-4 on the side of the head) reminder comes in the form of the good old moodswing, which is unfortunately often swept under the rug as ‘it’s just my hormones…I don’t know why I’m acting so crazy’.  The other way the shifts show up at this time of life is exhaustion, fatigue and being drained like never before – times 100 (as in multiplied by).  If you’re wanting to work supporting other women in their paths by sharing your wisdom, the shifting sands often show up in the form of stuckness, overwhelm, confusion about your purpose (or anything else), procrastination, and general hiding so that we won’t be out there in the public, subject to others’ energy in the form of emotions, opinions, thoughts, beliefs etc.

 

These are all symptoms that can be valuable breadcrumbs for your soul’s whisperings, leading you back to your Wild Self. The Wild Self that we are most primed at our age to claim…The Wild Self that acts instinctually…that knows who she is…that sees herself as equal to others…that is a beacon to others.

 

The difficulty getting to live  from this Wild Self is actually a boundary issue.  Many women don’t realize how broad boundary problems are. Most think of boundaries as Saying No. Well, yes, but there’s a lot more than that. Boundary problems I see with women (especially those of you that are HSPs (Highly Sensitive Persons), Intuitives, Creatives or Empaths), is that we take on the feelings, thoughts, opinions and beliefs of those around us. So when this happens, you might have trouble figuring out if it’s you or your loved one who feels a certain way, or other people’s opinions become your truth, or you feel other people’s feelings.  These are boundary problems and they are mostly unconscious at least until we get to the magical, mystical ride of peri/menopause. Suddenly the veils between the known and the unknown get thinner (thank you mood-swings)…we suddenly see what was unseen before. We see our ghostly faces, our silent lips, our swallowed truths.

 

And then comes the volcanic anger…in crashing waves that threaten to destroy us and all those around us.  This is the anger we’ve pretended we didn’t have…the anger we’ve shoved down for decades, while we told ourselves not to be selfish. Yes, your hormones may be amping things up, but anger will always point you to where a boundary has been crossed.   By following these breadcrumbs and healing your boundaries, you will find your way back home to your Wild Self.  Your Wild Self  knows…knows how to be nourished, knows how to manage her energy, knows where you end and others begin. And so you enter the doorway to your magical, mystical 2nd half of life….

 

So how do you heal these leaky boundaries?  Well, awareness is a huge part. And a not so popular part is also feeling your anger…that will often lead you to that awareness (thank you hormones).  Welcome it, sink into it, become friends with it.  Yes sometimes it will be explosively embarrassing.  Check. Sometimes you’ll have to mop up the mess afterwards. Check. But in those volcanos you will learn how to be with her, and to make your outbursts about what they are really about, and not all the other wrongs that have ever been done to you. You will learn to listen to her BEFORE the volcano erupts. You will learn to honor your anger instead of feeling ashamed of her. She is yours…she is ours.

 

Leaky boundaries can also be energetically repaired by looking at the limiting beliefs, personal, genetic and collective that we hold in our energy fields.  For instance, many of us have soul obligations with loved ones to perform certain roles for them in exchange for them performing certain roles for us, or for teaching us certain things (all unconscious).  These can be cleared and released energetically with ThetaHealing®, of which I am a practitioner. If you would like to explore this very profound healing modality to strengthen your boundaries, click one of the buttons below and you can schedule a session or three :-) .  And if you’d like to learn more, read all about it at WiseWomenRule.com/services.
 


I am offering a Spring Special until May 15 midnight ET!  If you purchase a 3-pack Belief Buster to heal the limiting beliefs that keep you from being your Wild Self, you will get 3 sessions for the price of 2!  That’s Three 50 minute ThetaHealing sessions by phone or Skype for $250 instead of $325 – a savings of $75!

 

You can read what others have said about working with me here: http://www.WiseWomenRule.com/testimonials

 

Claim your Wild Self by clicking below, and entering the Coupon Code SPRING2014 when you checkout for your $75 discount. You will then be directed to a page where you can book the first of your three 50 minute sessions.
 Buy 3-Session Package

Or try a single session at the regular price of $125 

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Love After Love

Love After Love
By Derek Walcott


The time will come
when, with elation

you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life,  whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

A poem about Self-love

IMG_1444    After    

        ~ Octavio Paz ~

 

after chopping off all the arms that reached out to
me;
after boarding up all the windows and doors;
 
after filling all the pits with poisoned water;
after building my house on the rock of no,
inaccessible to flattery and fear;
 
after cutting off my tongue and eating it;
after hurling handfuls of silence
and monosyllable of scorn at my loves;
 
after forgetting my name;
and the name of my birthplace;
and the name of my race;
 
after judging and sentencing myself
to perpetual waiting,
and perpetual loneliness, I heard
against the stones of my dungeon of syllogisms,
 
the humid, tender, insistent
onset of spring. 
SEPARATORSmall
I picked this poem for Valentine’s Day, as it really speaks to me about love.  Of course, we can only find love once we love ourselves, so to me whether you are partnered or not, Self-love is the most worthy of causes to take up on Valentine’s Day!  This poem poignantly describes my journey through Perimenopause for the last 10 years, as my demons have been thrust face-to-face with me, forcing me to tenderly start learning to love myself. It paints in blunt detail that which I didn’t dare to see before now, the hurts caused to myself and others by my own lack of self-love.  With this awareness has come great tenderness and compassion for myself and my loved ones, for all those hurts we inflict on eachother, many of them unwittingly.  So if you’ve ever been told and bought into the story that Self-love is a selfish pursuit, this poem should set things straight.  So much of the hurt in the world is unconsciously caused by the absence of self-love.

So, in honor of Valentine’s Day and loving ourselves, I am offering a Valentine’s Special for February!  If you purchase a 3-pack Belief Buster to heal the limiting beliefs that keep you from loving yourself, you will get 3 sessions for the price of 2!  That’s Three 50 minute ThetaHealing sessions by phone or Skype for $250 instead of $325 – a savings of $75!

Lack of Self-love is probably the biggest thing that holds us back in life…and it CAN be healed…I have seen it many times! ThetaHealing is a profoundly powerful energy healing modality that can instantly heal your limiting beliefs, making more space for the REAL you…love, peace and joy!

Give yourself the Valentine’s gift of Self-love by clicking below, and entering the Coupon Code LOVE2014 when you checkout for your $125 discount. You will then be directed to a page where you can book the first of your three 50 minute sessions.
 Buy 3-Session Package
Or try a single session at the regular price of $125
Buy Single Session  

Being bled dry

I was just reading an article today by the fabulous Dr. Christiane Northrup about heavy bleeding. And I just have to love and appreciate her for always looking at the emotional and spiritual aspects of all that is going on in your body during perimenopause and menopause as well as the physical. Her book “The Wisdom of Menopause”  really opened a whole new way of looking at menopause for me.

And so, as someone who experienced extreme heavy bleeding in the last 2 years of my bleeding, it is interesting that one of the main themes I have been working with in my journey the last few years is feeling the worthiness to receive as much as I put out.  I think in terms of symptoms this often shows up as exhaustion, depletion and dryness as well.  The feeling of being all tapped out.

It’s complicated, this receiving thing, I have found.  Even though it would be convenient for me to say that others were draining me, and that I needed to find new, non-draining people in my life, I came to some realizations that were inconveniently true.  As I have been becoming more aware of the subtle energies of my body and more in tune with my emotions in the last few years, I realized that I am an empath, which means that not only am I highly sensitive, but that I take in and actually feel others’ emotions.  In the past I did not realize those emotions were not my own, mind you…I just knew that I would feel exhausted being around people and sometimes feel awful without knowing why.  Trouble is…I was brought up in a society where we’re all supposed to be out and about and social and so my story went…blablabla…So I forced myself to be more of an extrovert.  Now in midlife, this extrovert thing stopped working.

And here’s the thing…the people around me…whose feelings I was taking on, did not ask or want that. In fact, they were not aware I was ‘helping’ them, not was I really ‘helping’ them in any way, shape or form.    It was all my own misguided, unconscious story.   The story went that by feeling their feelings for them, they would not have to feel them.  Umm, NOT! In fact, it had the opposite effect of wearing me out and not really being able to be there in more supportive ways because I was always overwhelmed by all the external stimulus.

So for the last few years I’ve been in the messy business of sorting out what’s mine, and what’s not mine. Instead of taking on the world’s stuff, I get to figure out who I am and ask for what I need.  This has been hard work…because I still find I have a lot of resistance to asking for what I need.  Oftentimes my needs come out as ‘scratchy’ voiced demands, as if I have to fight for what I need. As if by getting what I need, I am depriving others of what they need.  Or my favorite go-to  technique is avoidance, which leads me round in circles to resentment because I put my needs after everyone else’s.

So obviously at the root of this is feelings of unworthiness, and so much programming that as women we should be accommodating, supportive of everyone, and pleasant to be around. I think menopause definitely comes around to challenge this way of relating in the first half of our lives, when we are responsible for families.  It is now our time, and time to claim our own lives and find what fills us with joy.  And the gift from that, ironically leads back to being able to serve others.  But this time from a place of love and joy.  Not from a place of needing others to like you more.

I’d be really interested in each of your journeys to the land of love and joy…where your needs are met, and you receive with gay abandon!

Here is Dr. Christiane Northrup’s blog post:

http://www.drnorthrup.com/blog/2013/08/the-wisdom-of-heavy-bleeding-are-you-leaking-energy

I Am – A Poem

I AM – A Poem

I am the creative fire that connects all humanity to the source of life.
I reside gently and timidly in receptacles of unborn potential
and I wait patiently to be heard, seen, expressed and shared.
I don’t know when my journey towards the light of form, shape, word
and movement began. It seems that I have always been held in the belly
of the universal current and then……suddenly……. I was separated,
dropped in a dark womb shaping my existence, slowly evolving
into flesh and blood.

I am a voice, waiting to connect with the candles of creativity in other people.
I am dark, thick, dense, unknown.
I move quickly, I exist and then….in a flash…..I disappear into the depths
of silence.
When the time is ripe, I will become a fire, drawing strength from itself,
remembering the streams of eternity.

I am a plan and a place. A plan of God’s love, a place of God’s healing.
Fire in the soul, fire in the womb, burning the dross, relentlessly, with great
care and compassion.
I am constant motion! Discomfort, challenge, truth!

I am a theatre, full of drama and tension, players plotting and planning
for attention, expression and survival.

I am the sun thriving in the clarity of direction that daylight brings.
I am the moon, deeply cherishing the soulful nurturing of mystery.
I am the feminine hand of compassion and understanding……a pool
of nothingness, waiting to embrace and comfort.
I am the masculine sword of the warrior; I am a blade of anger and indignation
waiting to be plunged into the heart of illusion.

I am here but not always present, gazing outwardly, waiting for the world to
summon me yet always longing for the eternal river to bring me home

By Paola Ferretti

 

Art by Alice Popkorn

 

This poem , by one of the super-talented participants of the Teleseminars I put on with Ashley Ross last year, called Menopausal Mojo, really spoke to me. It’s about that phase in the Wise Women journey that you’ve descended down to the depths of your psyche, gathered your gifts and are almost, but not quite ready to journey back to the world above and share your gifts.  I’m not sure Paola even considers herself a Poet, but this is one of her gifts for sure!

What is your method of expression? I’d love to hear from you.

One of the saddest lost pleasures

I’ve been having a crazy busy and fun time with my partner in crime, Ashley Ross of Healing PMS (and Perimenopause, BTW) as we just wrapped up our first ground-breaking Teleseminar – 3 Keys to Turn the Madness of Menopause into Mojo. It was an amazing ‘birth’ that was the culmination of many, many years of trying to understand this incredibly rich time of life in a new way and find language for it in a land where there isn’t much to guide us. We are really humbled and awed by what is available to women in their 10-ish year perimenopause journey, and also very sad that so much of this wisdom has been replaced by a pathological, clinical and downright depressing view of this phase of life. And we were so delighted by what unfolded for the women on the course…including one dear, brave participant being moved to buy her first house. This came out of doing one of the collage exercises for the Mojo Map we build during the course, committing to herself and her partner.

And so now, even though we are working on launching the next program in March, we are moved to rest in the Sea of Self-love (another destination we visit in making our Mojo Maps). Being winter…and the holidays…it seems perfect.

And so I will reveal one of my most favorite pleasures in the whole world…one that I find few people find the time for anymore. Bathing. I mean really soaking in the tub. Especially in winter. This is such an essential element to my well being I would not even consider ever living in a house without a bathtub. No way. Not eva!

And if you need any encouragement…I can tell you the most amazing inspiration comes to me when I’m lying there…candles lit…music playing…and the all-important stick of Palo Santo burning. I turn this into a wonderful, succulent event actually. I kind of follow the idea that Shonagh Home brought up on my {Menopause:The Magical} Telesummit last year of Sacred Bathing. I have added some other lovely Taoist practices such as breast massage with essential oils. Get the picture?

So I invite you to soak in the tub more. You will be thankful…your people will be thankful…the world would be a better place if we all had a nice hot bath every night :-)

Feel free to look at my Pinterest Page for fantasy bath tubs on my Self-Love board, and pin a few of your own with the hashtag #wisewomensoak so others can share your inspiration.

To find other creative, oddball strategies, musings and viewpoints about peri-menopause and menopause, and the wondrous journey of becoming a Wise Woman, you can sign up to receive my newsletter here. You will also receive my highly anticipated “Wise Women’s Manifesto – 7 Rules you need to break to become a Wise Woman” as a gift.

We need to Talk


Every time I think about it, I get really irritated (and no, it’s not my hormones) by the recent OWL survey about Menopause. OWL is the Voice of Older and Midlife Women, and amongst the shocking findings were that:

  • Almost a quarter of younger women have more information about erectile dysfunction than menopause;
  • Nearly 70 percent of younger women (age 30-44), many of whom could shortly experience initial symptoms, say they don’t have enough information about menopause;
  • Only about 13 percent will speak with close friends or family members about the life stage.

This just blows my mind. And I know it’s true. I know so many women in the early to mid-forties – extremely conscious, well-educated women – who did not really realize they were in peri-menopause. And actually, neither did I when I first started having symptoms 8 years ago. So why is this?

Well, we don’t talk about it. That makes me really sad. The first problem with not talking about it, is that many of us do not really know the symptoms, other than the ‘famous’ ones like hot flashes and crazy mood swings. I mean, I would lie awake for 3 or 4 hours every night for YEARS before I realized it was maybe related to menopause. Brain fog? Geez, I was worried I was losing my mind. Headaches, check. Anxiety, check. Beyond, beyond exhaustion, check. Who knew?

The second weird part about not talking about it is that there is a lot of misinformation about this stage of life. For instance, I am embarrassed to admit that I thought menopause happened in your early 50’s. Well it does, so that is a true fact. Therefore I assumed I was good to go until then. I truly was not expecting to be getting symptoms in my early 40’s. So then I find out that I was in this thing called peri-menopause, which many people have never heard of until they finally realize they are in it. And that is where most the symptoms are – a period that can last up to 10 years. Seriously, how could I not have known this? I am an obsessive reader. – how could this have escaped me? Because no-one talks about it. There is still a surprising code of silence around menopause. Since I started this work, I cannot tell you how many women have asked me at what age this all starts. When I say early-to-mid forties, many of them say ‘actually I think I may be in it, now that you mention it…it all makes sense’.

And while we’re on the topic of my irritation, my major irritation (can you tell I’m irritated today?) is that somewhere along the line, the medical industry took over the conversation about menopause and made it their own. They made menopause a medical condition – a bunch of pathological symptoms to be dreaded – and you should take some pills for that. I have a Google Alert to alert me about news stories and mentions of menopause on the web each day. It is always so sad to me that 99.9% of the articles or stories about menopause are about physical symptoms. And many of these articles are written by women. So we have bought this story, and somehow lost the fact that this is a profound Rite of Passage that can be exhilarating at the same time as confounding and confusing. As I face my 50-th birthday in a few months, I can honestly say I have never been more excited and fulfilled. I feel delighted by my work (and believe me, I did not think I would ever feel that way about being the Menopause Queen), feel more at ease and comfortable in my self, more able to stand up for myself (i.e. get what I need), and generally relish my life as I slowly release all those chains of conditioned society and discover my vitally alive self. And I know so many women who feel the same way. So why is it that view not getting out there?

I think part of the problem is that we’ve lost the role of Wise Women in our culture. The Wise Women were always the ones that educated younger women about what was coming up, how to traverse this passage. But somehow in our culture, because women past midlife are not respected, many of us have gone away to sit quietly in the corner. I feel there is real change in the air on this, and with the development of the Internet and Social Media, we are for the first time able to stand up and speak out to whomever we want, without going through gatekeepers in the media.

So let’s start talking about menopause with pride and excitement. Community is SUCH an important part of this journey, and we are missing out on so much if we go through this isolated and alone. I see a world where we CELEBRATE the highs and support eachother through the lows.

And it begins with each of you. What do you want women starting out on this journey to know about it? What do you wish you had known? What’s on your mind right now? You can put your comments below. Let’s talk!

And please, share this article with other women. We do not have to go through this alone!

We’re starting to talk about it on an upcoming FREE Teleseminar I’m giving with Ashley Ross, author and Holistic Counselor, on Wednesday September 26 at 5.30 PT. Please join us! You can register here.

And you can read more about the OWL Survey here.

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